What is the smallest way your life has changed since having a new baby? What is the greatest way?
Smallest way? I’m not sure if there is a small way. My life has changed in EVERY way so I guess I feel like it’s all huge. Everything that I used to do before a baby, like going out to eat, pumping gas, or even being gone for more than 2 hours at a time, used to be so simple, but now seems almost dang near impossible. Maybe I’ll get it one day… maybe.
There are 3 main major areas in my life that changed post-Maison. My relationship with God, my marriage, and my work life: the three biggest and most important areas to me. First, my relationship with God has changed for the absolute better. I depend on Him even more now than I did before. I pray daily that He will protect her, provide for her, and use me to do His work by raising her how He has planned for her life. Just as Maison grows and with each plumpy pound she gains, so does my faith. We can worry ourselves sick about what could happen, but I give it to God and trust that he will keep my baby safe. Second is my marriage. We have been together for 9 years and married for almost 3. Our relationship has always been strong, very very strong. Most people say the first year of marriage is the hardest, well… not for us. I think because we had been together for so long that our first year of marriage was a piece of cake. For us, it’s the first year with baby that has proven to test our relationship the most. Yes, I was expecting it and braced for it, but until you actually experience what it means you really can never understand or prepare for those many (oh so many) sleepless nights and painfully tired days. Or how it takes every bit of energy and attention we have to A) keep the baby alive and B) keep her happy. Or trying to balance baby’s needs with my basic needs (like eating and hygiene) with work AND our relationship. At the end of the day I sometimes feel like I can’t give anymore and there is almost nothing left to put into our relationship as husband and wife. This bothers me, in the comparison to how things used to be. That is the biggest devil, comparison. But things will never be how they were in the past and letting go of that familiarity and embracing a new way is challenging for me because it was so easy before. In the end, I know it will only make us stronger and our roots grow deeper and deeper. I believe that anything GOOD, you have to work for. Lord knows I worked to have Maison and I will work for our marriage too. I think most people don’t want to share that or talk about it because it isn’t picture perfect. But I don’t think I’m alone in this, and I’m all about being real and telling the truth no matter how vulnerable or uncomfortable it may make me. Truth is, it ain’t easy but we’re working on it. Finally, my work life. I am suuuuuuuper fortunate to be able to work from home and stay with my baby. I wouldn’t want it any other way, but it’s been way harder than I thought it was going to be (shocker!) I thought… “oh, I can feed her and play with her and then lay her down for a nap in her crib. I’ll be able to get work done while she sleeps because babies sleep so much, right?” WRONG. Yes, she sleeps a lot but she will not sleep in her crib or anywhere unless I’m holding her so I end up trying to peck at my computer with one hand until she wakes up. I love what I do passionately and I love to get lost in my work but I am trying to, again, embrace this new way. I can’t compare myself to how much work I was able to get done in the past because it’s different and I just have to learn how to work differently.