Last week we talked about the hope and promises that there is purpose in your season of waiting. At times, the purpose is hard to see and often it’s so easy to lose sight of. But another thing that happens during your season of waiting is that this time reveals what you truly believe about God. Let me tell you a little bit about me. I grew up in the church. I am a pastor’s kid. I went to a Baptist school with Bible class every single day of my entire school career as well as weekly chapel gatherings. I would say I have a pretty strong foundation of Biblical teaching in my life which I am extremely thankful for. But unfortunately, there is also a downside to constantly being surrounded by “churchy” people. The church is a wonderful blessing created by God but we as sinners often mislead and misguide the whole point of this institution. Tell me if you can relate…
In seasons of waiting or hardship, I find that so many people give me “churchy” answers like “it will happen once you just give it God.” Or “it will happen when you are ready.” Or “it will happen when you least expect it.” Or “this is God’s will for your life.” Well, I am going to be brutally honest with you about these responses. That is NOT what my Bible says. That is NOT what I believe about my God. The Bible does not tell us when God gives boyfriends, or college acceptances, or husbands, or babies or successful careers. At least not the Bible I read. So let’s stop with these churchy phrases because they simply are not true.
Ok back to the point. Hearing these responses time and time again in our journey through infertility caused me to do a lot of soul searching. What do I believe about God? Do I really believe that He is good? Do I believe that He causes bad things to happen? Do I really believe that He knows the exact number of hairs on my head and my heart’s deepest desires? Is He really faithful? Does He really hear my prayers? It’s one thing to say you believe these things but if your life is falling apart because you are not getting what you want, I would recommend taking a step back to evaluate and study the true nature of God.
You see, I don’t believe God answers our prayers based on our level of holiness. I don’t believe that if I just get closer to God, I will have a baby. Or that if you just get closer to God, He will get you into the college of your dreams or bring you a dreamy boyfriend and a goals worthy career. If the blessings in our lives were dictated by our level of holiness, we would all have nothing. Do you remember this verse? “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23 It doesn’t say only some fall short and the ones that don’t get everything they want. All of us are sinners and we all fall short. The Christian life isn’t based on works. It’s based on grace. A gift given freely that we certainly don’t deserve.
I also don’t believe that God causes bad things to happen, but He does allow it. Let me introduce you to my friend Job. If you haven’t ever read this chapter of the Bible, go do it now. Time after time, God allowed Satan to do horrible things to Job. These things were not caused by God, but He allowed it to happen for a purpose. There’s that word purpose again. Purpose doesn’t mean we will enjoy the journey. But it does mean God is walking side by side with us through it as He molds our hearts to be more like His.
It’s been during this season of waiting that I have learned more about God than any other time in my life. I have felt His presence in a new way. And He has given me “peace that surpasses all understanding.” Phillippians 4:7 We may never have a child this side of Heaven, but that doesn’t make my God any less good. Although waiting is often filled with such heart ache, waiting can bring unspeakable joy. Unspeakable joy sounds really awesome right?? Well, it’s yours for the taking if you simply reach out to God. His promises are true and He does love you more than you can ever comprehend.
Keep fighting sisters. We are in this together. Tune in next week for my tips on things that have helped heal my heart and made this time of waiting just a bit easier.
Lots of love,