I intended to finish this series last month, but we have been so busy with all of the things going on in life and in business that I haven’t had a ton of time to write. Every time I sit down to update the blog, something else comes up. Last month, I talked about looking back over our journey through infertility – the highs, the lows and everything in between. If you missed it, just scroll down.
Sharing our story has been such a blessing in so many ways, but there have also been many hard things about it. It’s been a year since we first shared and I can say that God has done some really cool things. I am blown away by all of the people out there that are praying for us and for Baby Smalley. I honestly feel so incredibly loved.
When you put things out there for the world, people naturally want to know more. So many people constantly ask for an update. They want to know what our next step is and when we are going to try again. It means the world to me that so many people care so much about our lives. But I have almost felt like I have disappointed people because for so long we didn’t have an update. Blake and I really needed this past year for ourselves to heal from all that we had been through. I thought I was ready to take the step again, but each time we put the ball in motion it just didn’t feel right. And now looking back, I am so grateful that we had this year off from testing, shots, stress, pressure, etc to just enjoy each other and enjoy the season of life we are in. It’s been in the past year that God has truly healed my heart and brought a community of people around us to support us, to love us and to stand by us in this storm.
The journey of infertility is such a roller coaster with many different emotions. No matter what your story looks like, the ups and downs are there. And each time you take that leap of faith to try something new – whether that’s IUI, clomid, IVF or even adoption – you put your heart and your wallet out there in a really vulnerable way. So when the step fails, your heart feels shattered into a million pieces. I think it’s so important for couples to be able to take a moment, take a step back and let your heart heal before you jump in again. The process is so daunting on all levels so it’s important to go in fully charged.
The way I have experienced healing this past year is from the community around me. My staff is so incredible. They love me and support me and pick up the slack when I need it most. It is rare to work with a team of women that love, encourage and fight for each other on a daily basis. My family has also been so supportive. Although they don’t get the struggle at all, they bend over backwards to listen and to be there for us when we need it most.
But there are a few people that have been especially healing for my heart this past year and it’s all because of the way they let me in. I am the type of person that likes to feel needed. I don’t want to insert myself into someone’s life if they don’t want me. These friends have a way of making me feel like family every time I am around. They have invited me into their lives and let me love on their kids like they are my own. They never make me feel like they know more than me or that I am not in the club because we don’t have kids. They go the extra mile to include me in every thing they are doing and will just pass one of their kids to me so I can tag along.
I think that is one of the hardest things about this struggle is that so often you feel left out. You can’t go to the party cause you don’t have a kid to bring. You can’t go to the play day, the birthday party, the gymnastics lesson, etc. And it shouldn’t be like that. I hope everyone can learn to be friends like these girls have been to me. They love, listen, share their lives, pray, encourage and most of all, they let me in and make me feel so wanted.
I am so thankful for this season of my life that I have gotten to love on my friends' kids and buy them really obnoxious gifts like Barbie jeeps, singing elmos, very large pop up princess tents and Auburn outfits. Loving these babies has brought me more joy than their moms will ever know.
No matter what you are walking through, take the time to let your heart heal. And don’t give up until you find friends that love you the way mine do.
Lots of love,